Happy Happy Halloween!!!

Debating

I realize that this year is very important to have political views and make a decision but honestly I don't trust anyone, not anyone meaning just not trusting the candidates but anyone meaning ...those on the campaigns, people/computers who tally votes, the Clinton's, anyone!!

And why should I trust anyone, am I just suppose to sit down and write the pluses and minuses of both and then make a decision. I don't understand how people can be so all for someone and still not agree with some of their views or not know them personally (please can I vote my brother John for president...I don't agree with him all the time but at least I know him.) Views that may never even make to the white office because they still don't know what being a president really is about until they are one. Do I vote for Obama because he looks less like the bad president (like in the movies...X-men etc.) then McCain? Well anyways I am way behind in the debate and perhaps it is because if it is not personal than it is not on my mind, if it is personal if I don't start to gather others and campaign for someone really can my vote alone do the trick, but if I say this what a poor American am I for not voting on a very world changing time in history...yes I said world not America and meant it. I am proud to be an American and the 4th is my fav. holiday I swear.

How in this world can you always see clearly the bad to the good? How can you know that the good will not become bad from influence and will they go back to good?

Port a Potty??

Lily has been showing signs of being a big girl on the potty, but we will just say that I may have started wrong. We saw a potty/stool at the store and purchased it, and now she is obsessed with going to the point that she doesn't want a diaper or anything on so she can go and she will sit and push until drizzle upon little drizzle comes out. Also she wants to carry it around the house to sit on. I did not realize she would be so crazy about it and have not purchased panties yet, so really she has no concept of pulling her panties down to go. She will throw a fit to go, a fit if she can not be naked so she can always go, a fit if she can not port her potty around. I don't know what to do, she lifts her shirt up to go, but how do I get her to pull down her panties and pants to go. Is it too early? What have I started?

Gratitude/Ramblings

After a sleepless night (Lily's first night on big girl bed.) well sleepless for me from worrying not as much for Lily. I found myself a little overwhelmed by emotions later this afternoon, partly because I miss the fam. and it would be easier for them if we lived closer so they could see us and vise versa, partly because Lily is hard to shop with (someone could have stolen her with how much she ran from me.), partly because I find I am sad over little things lately (so big at that moment) and I start to be negative. I think that negativity is in a way like anger to hide your sadness. Well anyways when we returned home tonight I became full of gratitude for all that I have, especially after I put new sheets on Lily's cute bed and Nathan and her read stories for bed time. I watched and thought how wonderful the bed was at first and then realized that if it was not there it would not matter, it would look the same to me it was who was in it. Kinda corny I know and this hurts to say and is hard to do, but it is better to be more grateful for what you have than focus on what you don't and what you have lost. A lesson I will be having to learn every day I think.

Stuffing face with 10am spaghetti

View stepping out for morning run. 6 fun hot air balloonsLounging Mc. LoungerFirst Curlers

Flickr Day

So I decided that I take too many pictures to post so I finally made my own flickr account.

(DillChips) http://www.flickr.com/photos/31458963@N03/sets/. Here are a couple pictures from the first set.

Princess coloring princess coloring book.

How happy I am coloring a pumpkin guy with Daddy.

Camp Luxurious

Well I am finally posting about our camping trip this last weekend. We will just say that it was not super comfortable (I realize camping is not meant to be luxurious), and for some reason if someone has a trailer I always find myself thinking in the desperate direction towards buying one for next time, though I would never. Well anyways at the end of our short time in who knows where I have concluded you do not need to camp to enjoy the outdoors, and if you do camp be prepared not to sleep especially without a blow up mattress, and winds blowing so hard you are in and out of dreams of a bear or creature shaking your tent not to mention scorpions (I have issues with those now for sure).....don't worry Lily had her pack n play mattress and Nathan can sleep through a lot more than I can, as you will see below. Lily did cry for an hour... plus/minus before we could get her to settle down for bed. But at least all and all we have an experience to remember and something in common to share with all who came and we enjoyed our foil dinners and definitely, definitely the morning.

After relaxing when we returned on Saturday we put together Lily's new big girl bed. (Well mostly Daddy)

Eating Marshmallow by fire after arriving late afternoon.

Nathan with yummae foil dinner (better when you are starving too)

Calming Lily with trail mix in tent.Our wee tent held up good but started to blow in like the others by morning.Nathan holding up side of tent Lily sleeping still until I grabbed her after this pic. The morning gang getting warm.Shielding food from wind with cars.Making sweetest face wanting a turn.Not going to give it to me ..take that!Spoiled Brat: (wopping a lot of kids that morning, and stealing toys, someone did not sleep well enough even on her own mattress....and well she is spoiled...luckily she learned a little lesson when she got wopped back (by someone older than sweet Carter here and more her age.) Older kids just look at you or their parents to handle it if they get wopped younger kids just cry but around the same age...girl you are going to get what's coming to you)

I had a trundle bed and I remember some of my still now best friends sleeping over on it.

TLC

We are getting use to this place, well I am... now that we have T.V. and internet, I actually feel less like I am living in some black hole. I would like to try to be better and focus more on what is more important than ..the internet and cable but I guess I can't handle it, I guess I find some sanity in connecting online with loved ones and friends, and connecting on cable with those like John and Kate plus eight on (TLC, Food Network, HGTV).
I think that after organizing, cleaning up after miss drag things everywhere, and mr put his stuff anywhere then where it is designated, along with painting, lifting, taking Lily on walks and to the park in the hot hot sun, dealing with scorpions and a mouse, feeding a in a not eat much of what I use to phase child...etc, I deserve a little TLC right.
We are headed on over night camping trip for Nathan's B-day tomorrow, he is soooo excited. I wonder if he will be able to get to work on time to get away early ..now that it literally is his Birthday and he is still watching T.V. ....but I think he needs and deserves some TLC also. Happy Birthday honey waa whoo for cable and your American Choppers show.

Mom

Lily looks like my Momma

My mom and Lily last pics together

Thank you for being patient I hope that you all still come to see if I have made a post though it has almost been a month now. I will just let it all out, honestly I have been having a hard time getting back into posting since someone I love so dearly is not going to read or see pictures of my little girl, but I realize that you all are still here and deserve to. Ironically my mother's name in all of her comments is livenletdi and I realize I need to live.

I plan on making a book out of this blog at the end of the year, so it is important to me to write about this, though some may find it too personal.



My personal remarks at the graveside service:

I have held off on deciding what to say today. Most likely because I don't want to say good bye (I need my mom).

The only person that would put me first before others and sometimes herself. I never felt like I was an inconvience, and I never felt insignificant in her eyes. Yet I know she loved us all equally.

Sometimes it hurts too bad to think of what I will now be missing in my life, but I try to remember all of our cherished times together.

Lately as I walk with Lily and wish so badly she was here, I realize she is... I can think of her and try to be the mother that also walked along with me holding my hand,

I can be the mother that makes homeade chicken noodle soup when you feel sick or your favorite meal for your birthdays. The mom that is skilled with taking care of boo boos, and picks you up when you fall. The mom that can help write detailed papers for school, and make good tardy notes and excuses to go have a day of fun together. A mom that is silly... who sings songs, speaks random German, and calls corn... (lorn on the lobby).

A mom to cry the most on, and knows just what to say when you are overwhelmed or frustrated. A mom that can make mistakes but lives and learns through them to teach you to be better. A mom that you can find trust in, to care for your own child, who will spoil and love her as well as you do. And a mom that is so so so much more.

I know today I have to let go of our time together tomorrow, but I will never have to say good bye. She will be with me forever, I am a part of her as much as she is a part of me.

I can love her always, and strive to be like the wonderful, divine, mother, and friend she was for all of us.

Thank you all for the love you have shown for our family.

On a lighter note her is Lily's first bikini experience....

Chipping face

Dillier face