Babblings of Laziness

Wow another post already. Well as I was reading my sister in laws blog just now and her journaling on her project hot mom. I thought I could give her some advice because usually I am a very healthy, and health motivated person. And then I realized after just finishing making cookies (craving for the oatmeal chippers at Paradise Bakery so I tried to make a knock off ..they are num) with Lily...I don't know what to say. I am starting out a week with cookies that will also end with cookies (V Day) and also a few days later start with cupcakes (Lil's b-day) It is like I know exactly how I should be eating but I am too lazy for healthy food or it is just not fun or something. I told Nathan that I am trying to gain weight for my breasts to get larger (excuses..good one huh). It is like a yucky spiral, if I don't eat right my body just isn't motivated with enough energy to work out. I am too lazy to wake up early (never a morning person anyways) to work out, and Nathan has been gone a lot of evenings trying to get what he needs to out of work. If I say I am depressed that sounds like an excuse to me also. I have always felt that most things are based on what you decide. If I decide to feel sad about certain things instead of looking at the positive things... than there you have it right. ........................Lily just woke up too early from her nap and now returning to writing after holding her and rocking her back to sleep I can not help but cry with heart ache as I think of a friend who has a girl who reminds me of mine (same almost exact age, same coloring, etc.) who is also probably being held by her mother right now as her little body deals with cancer treatment. I was at her house a week or so ago when her little girl who is more soft spoken and tender than Lily for the most part is at play dates, when I saw her cast from her broken wrist and her Mother was telling me that things just did not seem right to her well I could go on... but I just want to say trust and own your intuition as a Mother to your child, I think there is more there than anyone realizes ...even us ourselves as Mothers. Well I guess I babbled on to two subjects hope this was not a bore, hopefully I will get back on the saddle again and stop being so lazy and start with the idea that though I can decide to be depressed I can also look at the positive and be happy to know Lily will wake up and run out of her room to find me in a few minutes probably with an object or wearing something she is excited to share with me and be healthy and happy (for the most part besides her dramatic tantrums).